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Decrees, anointments, and declarations from the Crown may be found here. I've been called a Queen, but I'm far from it. I've taken what I have darling. I am an Empress!
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::The Old Kingdom::
Today was the last time for a long time that I’ll see a lot of my family. I leave for Sydney on Wednesday and I can’t help but feel sad and empty inside.
I sat and cried tonight. In fact I feel my eyes welling up now. Gosh I know I will get through this but it’s bloody hell.
I am having such a great time right now at this point of my life, aside from the moving thing. I have great friends who are absolutely irreplaceable, a fantastic old-new boyfriend who I never really got over I guess; the love in my heart is just as strong as ever, and I have a wonderful family who shows their love in a sometimes off-beat way; but hey it’s sincere and forever lasting.
I almost feel guilty for leaving, not because I’ve done anything bad, but perhaps because I know what I have and I’m just leaving it all behind. I suppose if it’s real it will still be here when I return (if I return), I know parts of it certainly will be.
I’m high on E and I don’t wanna fall off. I know I’ll have to though.
The Crown
posted by Steven @
6/30/2002 12:45:00 AM
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Sunday  |
::Everything But The Boy::
I’m scheduled to leave in a week and a half. Scheduled is all I can be since I haven’t received the proper documentation from the uni to hand off to the Aussie consulate. I am half content with having to pay a few extra hundred dollars for a later flight though I’d rather not spend the cash.
I’m not totally upset about having to spend more money because I’d rather shop less in Sydney then be forced to live with my family until February. My patience has so been exhausted.
I’m half content with staying a bit longer than I had planned because it means I can stay a bit longer with my friends and family. Though my family drives me up the walls at regular intervals I can’t help but know I’ll miss them. Staying also means I have more time with the triad of evil. Eeevil! I don’t know what I’ll do without a Patrick or Stacy in my daily routine. I’ve just come home to them and soon I’ll be forced to leave them behind.
Enter in the new x-factor. The Boy. Up till yesterday I hadn’t had a real person-to-person civil conversation with the Boy. Every on-line attempt from either of us was met with petty comments and rude gestures. Well that appears to have changed. I imed the Boy two nights ago and we actually acted like mature adults. Talking about old times, laughing, and even flirting. Yes, flirting. I never though he and I would ever really hold a real conversation, never did I think we would flirt with one another. Of course I asked the Boy out again and we had a great time and picked up where we left off before our relationship got sour. I wasn’t supposed to get involved in a relationship before I left. Now I’m going to be extra extra sad and heartbroken when I leave, whenever that is. I’m determined to make the best of what time I have with him though. I’m glad that things have turned out this way though. I never did like the fact that though we once really loved each other that today we couldn’t even hold a simple conversation. It was nice to be in his arms again. Strange but familiar sensation pulsed though my body, mind, and heart. Another bout of Steven and Efrain hits my history book, this one bound to have another sad, but fulfilling ending. Given that, I'm still very happy to have him in my life again.
Gosh I had everything planned out, everything but the Boy.
The Crown
posted by Steven @
6/25/2002 02:16:00 PM
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Tuesday |
::Does the 8-Clap and screams like a girl::
At 5pm the bell at Powel Library tolled and played an extended chime. I'd never heard it do that before. It seems that things are changing all around me. In my head, in my heart, on my body, and um on my campus?
Wow! My campus! I just realized the awkwardness of that sentence. In about a week it will not be my campus; it'll be where I went. Where I started, the place I will be from.
It's a proud place to be from. It's the University of California Los Angeles or UCLA for the lazy folk. When I decided to apply to UCLA (I'm lazy) my father, who is always out to save a buck, questioned my choice and suggested I should go to a Cal-State school to save money. He stated that all I was paying for the school's name, never-mind the fact that UCLA is a top 25 school and never-mind the many opportunities it could offer me. Well of course when my letter of acceptance came in my father changed his tune and seemed more excited about me going there than I did. In fact he opened my acceptance package before I even got home because he couldn?t bare the wait.
Looks like the name, education and opportunity has paid off. I'm going to a grad school in Australia, the University of Sydney. My father wasn't at all excited when I received my conditional admissions letter of acceptance. Again, he thinks it's a waste of money and doesn't see the benefit of an international experience and he certainly doesn't see why I'd want to stay there for longer than I?d have to. He says that I am an American and I belong in the United States with my family and with my country. I didn't understand how he could make such an ignorant statement, besides knowing that he wants me to stay because he'll miss me and because he's paranoid. I was almost glad to leave and try something new for a change. Having let his words sink in a bit, having thought that I would more than likely end up in Sydney for the rest of my life, I've arrived at the realization that my thoughts are a bit hazy. I love the United States of America. I love it with all of my heart. I love it for its history, the good it has done for its people and for the world. I love it for what it intends to stand for and what it intends to accomplish. It has its flaws and it has had its fumbles, but what country hasn't.
I love California and I totally love Los Angeles. As time passes I look more and more at what I?m leaving and have caught myself questioning my decision. The minute I land in Sydney I'm going to miss Los Angeles, I'm sure of it.
"It's closing time, time for [me] to go out to the places [I] will be from, every new beginning is some other beginning's end."
I don't know where I'll end up; I like to think it's where ever I'm happiest. I'm happy now. Will I be as happy then?
I'll undoubtedly change from growth, but I'll always keep one consistency with me. I'll know where I came from. I'm an American and fuck anyone who has anything negative to say out it. ::Does the 8-Clap and screams like a girl::
The Crown
posted by Steven @
6/05/2002 03:46:00 PM
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Wednesday |
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