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Decrees, anointments, and declarations from the Crown may be found here. I've been called a Queen, but I'm far from it. I've taken what I have darling. I am an Empress!
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::Down Unda::
So I wanted to kill Mark today. He is so moody. His cranky ass comes home from work and then drinking at the bar and runs a muck on how his day was horrible and about how his apartment looked like a pig-pen. I felt so bad for his boyfriend Sal who also lives in the apartment. He is totally awesome and I really enjoy his company. The hour I have alone with him to talk is probably the best part of the day, then Mark comes home so I usually leave to avoid lung cancer and Mark’s moodiness.
I totally can’t wait to find my own place. Everyday has been consumed with apartment hunts. It’s so frustrating. I have to looking up apartments on the net or in the paper, the apartment’s agent for an address if it’s not posted. Then see the site and see if I like the location only to then call the agent an 2nd time to arrange to visit the interior. After that I have to fill out an application, fax it and wait to see if they like me, all the while competing with who knows how many applicants. Carla where are you? Speaking of which today on T.V. I watched the 7 year itch with Marilyn Monroe, she is such an enchanting woman. I was totally dazzled by her beauty and innocence. Carla so has the voice, look and act down. Wow!
The Crown
posted by Steven @
7/12/2002 06:49:00 AM
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Friday  |
::Tickets Please::
So I arrive at the airport in record time only to return at an even faster rate. My idiot ticket agency reserved my ticket for the 30th even though my receipt says the 3rd on it. As one could imagine I was extremely upset. Though I was quickly comforted with the fact that I had more time to spend with my family, friends, and boyfriend.
I wondered if perhaps this mix-up was some sort of sign showing that I should stay in Los Angeles. I was excited with the prospect of staying with those I love, but then I began to wonder if I would resent the reason I chose to stay. If I truly want something shouldn’t I have to really work for it? I’ve called my agent and left him a message, if for some reason things cannot be fixed then more than likely I’ll be here for a lot longer than I thought. I can’t afford the $2300.00 charge for a one-way ticket this late in the game. My original ticket cost about $559.22. I’m thinking my agent should have to give me a ticket at no additional charge. Can we say 1st class? I know I can. Happy Independence Day.
The Crown
posted by Steven @
7/04/2002 12:53:00 AM
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Thursday |
::Room 237 AM::
Empty and sad the feeling is gone.
I am numb with remorse.
Wishing and wanting for you to stay.
Never wanting to leave you.
Finally grasping you into my heart only to have you forced from my fingers.
I close my eyes and I see.
A perfect picture of my love, my pain, my happiness and my warmth.
A first love, a first friend, a first experience, a first heartbreak, a last happy thought.
Knowing it will go on and will continue.
Feeling returns and memories cascade.
Sensations gone wild.
Tomorrow is a brand new day
…
For the last time until who knows when I held the love of my life in my arms. We thought about old times and wondered about what the future held for us. Would we remain friends, lovers, boyfriends, or confidants…?
Most times I never realize how wonderful something is until its long gone, this time I realized it as it was going. I knew that no matter what, as long as I had the ability to leave Wednesday I was going to go.
Here I had this incredible person, one I could really see deep inside of for the first and last time and I was loosing him. Well I’m not loosing him but I am leaving him.
We’ve only been going out for a week and a half since we first broke-up but it feels like we’ve gone out during all of the time in-between too.
Today I met one of his friends, his best friend. That meant a great deal to me. When we went out the first time, I not once really met any of his friends, which only encouraged me to question him and his fidelity. I always wondered what he was hiding, but today I met a friend. Angela blabbed on about how Efrain loved me and never stopped talking about me. When he later confided in me all of the embarrassing and/or private secrets and thoughts he had for me since we broke-up I knew we had arrived. We had finally landed on a place of absolute trust and mutual respect.
We’re friends now. I don’t truly know what that words means of how it will apply to us. It’s going to be incredibly hard to go from lovers to just friends. I don’t think I’ll happen. We’ll remain ultra close and wont, at least for a while, settle on being just friends. There is too much in our hearts.
Well the screen is going blurry and my eyes are beginning to loose focus. I’m either showing an early sign of glaucoma, I’m exhausted, or the tears are paying their toll. So I’ll go to bed, with love in my heart and Efrain on my mind. I love him and will never forget him. To me he’ll always be my baby boy.
The Crown
posted by Steven @
7/02/2002 03:10:00 AM
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Tuesday |
::Jenny::
I made a decision I can be proud of and not feel the need to announce to the world, even though writing about it in this Blog may be enough of an announcement since eyes other than mine read these words. Ahem Stacy and Patrick.
I had been thinking about it for a while, three years in fact since Efrain and I almost slept with each other when we went out the first time and it finally happened this morning.
It was a natural and amazing experience that’ll I’ll never forget and I’m glad I waited for it to be with someone I truly love and who I know loves me too. I never thought I’d see, speak, kiss, hold and certainly not sleep with Efrain ever again. I’m glad that I have. Things are right between us. I’ll miss him, but I wont keep him far. He’ll sit behind my eyelids, in the depths of my memory. Smirking, laughing, teasing and loving.
I may be away, but I’ll never be gone. I love you and I’ll never forget you Efrain.
The Crown
posted by Steven @
7/01/2002 09:45:00 PM
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Monday |
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